Agony Aunt: November 2018

I cheated on my partner. I have nothing but regret but they won’t give me another chance. What should I do?

Cheating, no matter on what level, is wrong. If I was advising your partner, it would be for them to stay clear. However, everyone makes up their own minds, and all you can do is give them space to make peace with what you did and you have to do the same. If you two are truly meant to be together it is unlikely it would come to this. They may be able to forgive you but that’s down to them, so all you can do is give them space but stay available to them for as long as you’re willing to try and make this work.

I’ve started university as a virgin and I worry about this because it feels like no one else is in my position.

Trust me, don’t worry – more people will be in your position than you think! I know many people who started university as virgins or very inexperienced. Since then many have formed relationships or casual acquaintances. Just make sure you don’t feel like you have to get rid of it. I’ve known many people over the years who have slept with someone for that reason only and have always regretted it. Find what’s comfortable and make sure you are honest with your partner when the time comes.

I am in a long-term relationship and have been for the last 4 years but this summer I went away on a volunteer project and met someone who has become very important to me on a romantic level. It’s never been more than feelings but what does this mean?

Forming strong feelings for another person is never a good sign. It might be signifying that you and your partner have grown apart and you’re looking to someone else for that romantic comfort. However, this could just be a warning sign telling you to both work on your communication. Your relationship might be missing something that made you love your partner so strongly in the beginning, so find what that is and revive it.

My partner is coming to visit. I live in halls and I’m worried about my flatmates hearing us.

Honestly, this is just a rite of passage for couples in halls. These are people you have to spend another 9 months with so be respectful with noise levels but don’t worry too much. By the end of the year you would have heard and seen much worse from each other but somehow it will all seem natural.

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by Katie Brewster


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