by Emily Maybanks
If I could turn back the clocks, I would re-write every line of every stupid love letter that I wrote. Pages and pages of words, describing how I felt – the words I would never be brave enough to speak out loud. I remember the hatred; the self-loathing that tore me apart for years and years because I was too ashamed to admit that these love letters were written to both guys and girls. Some might have said that it was just a phase – small minded, judgemental people. I despise myself for spending so many hours writing down words that would never be read, words meant for people who no longer have any significance in my heart and in my life.
What I’ve learnt over the years is that we fall in love with who we fall in love with and it doesn’t matter if that person is male or female. What really matters is that they are the first person you think about when you wake up in the morning and the last person you think about before you go to sleep at night. They make you laugh; they make you feel as though you are on top of the world; they’d do absolutely anything to make you happy. At the same time, they can lift you up when you hit rock bottom. They don’t judge you. They love you. They unconditionally love you.
Everyone deserves someone who loves them unconditionally.
Love. It comes in so many forms. The love between a parent and a child; the love between siblings; the romantic love; the friendship love and most importantly, the self-love. Self-love is vital. Loving yourself; accepting yourself. Perhaps just as important as having someone who loves you unconditionally; someone who accepts you for who you are.
I spent too long pining after people who didn’t accept me for I was. I didn’t accept myself for too long.
I look at my life now and I look at the love that I am so lucky to have from a few very special people, and if I would write them a million letters; and each word would scream passion and appreciation because through the love they’ve given me,
I’ve finally started to learn to love and to accept myself.