oh, to gouging eyes out
by Jan Delos Santos
It is tiring to be this complex in nothing
but thoughts and words and sound.
It is too much choice and noise and heartache for my soul.
And so, I have made the quiet decision
to be the amalgamation of crocodiles and alligators.
Where I’ll spend my time cycling between water and grassland only caring about how much heat
I want to take.
To be this kind of reptile
is to be a rock that breathes
it is to be a statue that no one dares to steal a kiss from
it is to be death until food arrives, and to be death once again when they leave.
I no longer crave skyscrapers
nor the crimson of the news.
I did not want the weight of cement upon shoulders.
I do not want you to look at me like that.
I will not crave attention if it means
remembering the colour of your irises.
As a crocodile I am expected to have fangs.
As an alligator, you would not be surprised to find me cold to the touch. My tears are freshwater, darling.
I will not sweat or shiver
simply submerge me in ice
and watch how slow I can get
watch me trickle down to a full stop the ticking you hear will cease
there is no need to fear Me anymore.